I Relapsed More Times Than I Can Count — Here's What Finally Worked
- Michael Romano
- 5 hours ago
- 5 min read
By: Mikey Romano CARC | SSC
I want to tell you something that most coaches won't say out loud: I relapsed. A lot. Not once. Not twice. More times than I can count on both hands.
Every time I picked back up, I told myself it was the last time. Every time, it wasn't. And every time — without fail — it got worse.
That's the thing nobody warns you about. Relapse doesn't reset you back to where you were. It takes you lower than you've ever been.
It's progressive. Each time I relapsed, I didn't just go back to square one. I fell through the floor.
Where It Started And Where It Ended Up
I started using when I was a teenager. What began as something I thought I could control slowly took over every decision I made, every relationship I had, every dream I'd ever held onto.
Years went by. Then more years. I'd get clean for a stretch — sometimes weeks, sometimes months — and think I had it figured out. Then something would happen. Stress. Pain. A bad day. And I'd be right back in it.
There were nights I was sleeping outside with nothing. No phone. No family left who'd answer. Just me, the cold, and that voice in my head that said this was all I'd ever be. I believed that voice for way too long.
Homelessness wasn't rock bottom for me. I thought it was — but then I found a new bottom underneath that one.
Then came the jails. Then prison. When you're sitting in a cell with nothing but time, you have one of two choices: let it break you completely, or let it be the place where something finally cracks open. For me, it took a long time before it became the second one.
The Relapse Pattern Nobody Talks About
Here's what I learned after going through it over and over: most relapses don't start with using. They start weeks — sometimes months — before the first drink or drug.
They start with isolation. With skipping the meetings. With saying you're fine when you're not. With letting the small cracks go unfixed until the whole foundation gives out.
Every time I relapsed, I could look back and see the exact moment the slide started. The problem was I never caught it in real time until it was too late.
The relapse didn't start when I used. It started when I stopped doing the things that were keeping me clean.
What Jails and Prison Taught Me That Treatment Never Did
I'm not going to pretend incarceration was good for me. It wasn't. But locked inside a cell with nothing to do but think, I started asking questions I'd been running from my whole life.
Why do I keep doing this? Not the surface answer. The real one.
I started reading. Studying the psychology behind addiction — not the clinical version, but the human version. I started understanding the patterns in my own thinking that were keeping me stuck. The shame spiral. The all-or-nothing mindset. The way I'd use a single bad day as an excuse to blow up everything good.
The Day Everything Changed
There wasn't a single dramatic moment. It was more like a slow accumulation of truth that finally got heavy enough to tip the scale.
I made a decision — not just to get sober, but to completely rebuild from the inside out. Not just to stop using, but to become someone who didn't need to escape anymore. Someone who could feel the hard stuff without running from it.
I remember sitting there thinking: I've tried doing this the hard way, alone, over and over, for 20 years. Maybe the answer isn't to try harder. Maybe the answer is to try differently. To get real tools. To stop treating this like a willpower problem and start treating it like the complex brain and behavioral challenge it actually is.
What Actually Works — The System I Built
I didn't create the 11-Pillar SoberSuccess Recovery and Mindset System in a classroom. I built it in the wreckage of my own life, one hard lesson at a time.
Catching the early warning signs — learning to recognize when I was drifting weeks before the crisis hit
Breaking the shame spiral — understanding that shame was literally fuel for my addiction, not a motivator to stop
Building an identity around recovery — not just removing something bad, but becoming someone new
The bounce-back protocol — a specific step-by-step plan for when you slip so it doesn't become a spiral
Using the body as a tool — nutrition, movement, sleep — the physical side of sobriety that nobody talks about
Real accountability — not just checking in, but building a relationship with your own progress
These aren't concepts I read about. These are things I tested on myself — through failure, through relapse, through starting over again and again — until they worked.
If You've Relapsed — Read This
If you're reading this right now because you slipped, or because you're scared you're about to — I need you to hear something.
Relapse does not mean failure. It means you're still in the fight. The only real failure is the one where you stop getting back up.
I got back up more times than I thought was possible. And every single time felt like it might be the last time I had the strength to do it. But I did it. And eventually, I did it in a way that actually stuck.
You don't have to have it all figured out. You just have to be willing to try one more time — but this time, with better tools.
You are not your relapses. You are not your worst days. You are not the version of yourself that the addiction built. You are the one who keeps coming back. That person? That's who wins.
Get The Free Relapse Reset Guide
The exact framework I use to bounce back after a slip — before it becomes a spiral. Free download, no catch.
Start FREE 3-Day Trial of SoberSuccess AI: https://sobersuccressai.com
The Mission Keeps Going
Today I run SoberSuccess Coaching, host the SoberSuccess Podcast, and built SoberSuccess AI — a 24/7 recovery tool that puts everything I learned directly in your pocket.
I also run SoberSuccess Outreach — because recovery isn't just about the mind. It's about showing up for people who are where I used to be. Homeless. Hungry. Locked up. We bring meals, clothing, and real human connection to people who need it most.
This is the life that got built out of 20 years of chaos. If it could happen for me, it can happen for you.
Let's Get It Baby! — Mikey Romano
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